The Process of Dying?

Lily Blanc sat at a small round table at a favorite coffee shop, waiting for her “friend, Alyssa. Like so many others in the popular, cozy place, she whiled away the time scrolling through her cell phone apps. As she focused on an appealing New York Times puzzle, two women walked by juggling their designer coffees, sweet treats and over-sized personal bags toward the table behind her.

The women seemed to be friends who hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks and were now catching up. “So, what’s new Rose?” asked one of the women. “What have you been up to?”

“Oh, not much Hana,” was the reply. “I’ve been doing some hiking with the Bill and the kids. Last week, we hiked in the Adirondacks. Gosh, it is beautiful this time of year. How about you?”

Hana took a sip of her coffee and then said, “Do you remember my telling you that I was going to attend a workshop?”

“Oh yeah,” Rose replied, “But I forgot the topic. What was it about, again?”

“It was about dying,” Hana said, “It was an all day event focused on how to die.”

It was at this point that Lily paused from her game and began listening to the two women behind her. Rose said, “Oh yes, I remember. How was it?”

Hana lowered her voice in a conspiratorial manner and said, “It was fascinating. We learned so much about the dying process including the specific stages and steps. I didn’t realize that there was so much involved in dying. Not what I thought at all.”

“Who attended the workshop? How many people were there?” Rose asked Hana.

“I would say about 25 people, mostly women. In fact, now that I think of it, only one man was there.”

By now, Lily was actively eavesdropping. She knew that Vermont had a law that allowed terminally ill adults to receive medical aid in dying, but she was unaware of workshops on the topic.

Hana went on, “Some folks were there to learn about dying in general, but most were eager to learn how to die themselves. You know, the specific steps in doing a good job.”

“Really?” Rose, “I’m a little surprised.”

“I was too,” Hana confessed. “But the more I learned, the more I liked the option. The process really isn’t onerous. I realized that if I wanted to, dying might be something I’d like to do.”

“Hmmmm,” Rose thoughtfully said. “I know you have been thinking about it for a while now, but would you really want to die? I thought you have always thought it was too much for you to even consider. What does your family think about this?”

“You are right. I did think that actually dying would be a bit much, but after going to this workshop, I think I could do it.” Hana went on, “As for the family, once I explained what was involved, they understood why I wanted to die now or at least in the near future. They were very supportive.”

When Lily heard this, she was quite alarmed. This was too much. Should she turn around and let these two women know that what they were talking about was shameful? How could they discuss death in such a cavalier way? Then Hana continued, “In fact, since the workshop, I found out that a few attendees successfully completed the whole process and died on their own. One woman, a hooker, was said to have had a beautiful dying experience. Everything went perfectly for her.”

It was at this point that two things happened simultaneously. Lily’s friend Alyssa entered the coffee shop. She waved at Lily, and catching sight of the women behind her, waved a very friendly hello to them as well. Alyssa came over to the two women and hugged them both. She then introduced them to Lily. “Lily, these are my good friends Rose and Hana.” The two women smiled warmly, saying “hello” to the uncomfortable eavesdropper. Alyssa looked at Hana and asked, “How was your workshop on dying?”

“It was great. I think I’m going to take the plunge next weekend.”

Lily, confused and irritated. “How can you be so nonchalant about this?” she demanded.

“What do you mean?” asked Alyssa. “What’s wrong with self dying? I mean it is a time honored tradition.

“What!” Lily exclaimed with a horrified look on her face.

After a moment of silent tension among the women, Rose suddenly, with a look of comprehension asked “Do you think we are talking about death?”

“Yes, of course,” replied Lily more than a bit agitated. “Ever since you sat down you have been talking about death, dying and suicide.”

“Oh my goodness,” Rose said. “No, no, Lily, we weren’t talking about death dying. We were talking about color dyeing. We all belong to a fiber guild.” The two women pointed to their open bags revealing skeins of yarn along with knitting needles and a crochet hook.

Hana added, “Rose and I are spinners. We spin our own wool. Alyssa and I like to knit and Rose enjoys weaving. We were talking about dyeing our homespun yarn.”

Lily was nonplussed. “But what about the prostitute who suicided?” Once again the three women looked at each other in confusion. “You know,” Lily whispered so that others in the shop would not hear her, “the hooker.”

It took a moment before Hana matched Lily’s whispered voice, “Do you mean the rug hooker? Someone who makes rugs? Oh my goodness, Lily. That was a woman who makes beautiful floor tapestries. She wanted to dye her own yarn to have better control of the color scheme. As it turned out, she was super happy with the results.”

As Lily absorbed this information and puzzled through her misunderstanding, Hana smiled and admitted, “I totally understand how you could have been confused. When I attended the workshop last weekend, folks would come up to me and ask me questions like, ‘Have you ever dyed before?’, or ‘How many times have you dyed?’ I had one person say to me, ‘I’ve only dyed once, but I’m hoping to do it again.’ A guild member even blurted out ‘I LOVE to dye! I do it all the time.’” At that, the four women started laughing.

Rose and Hana then invited Alyssa and Lily to join them for coffee. Hearing the three women talk about their fiber projects and other crafty stories, Lily began to think that even she might like to learn how to spin and color wool. “Who knows?” she thought to herself. “How hard can it be to dye?”